Spinning
by Lindsay Paddington
Summary: A song-fic, w00t. Harry thinks about the past few months with his new lover. Angst, romance, fluff! R&R, please.


**Title**: Spinning  
  
**Author**: Lindsay Paddington  
  
**Summary**: A song-fic, w00t. Harry thinks about the past few months with his new lover. Angst, romance, fluff! R&R, please.  
  
**Disclaimer**: I own nothing in here. Not Harry Potter nor any character, not Spinning, not Lifehouse. Nothing. Sigh.  
  
**Rating**: PG-13 for slashy-ness

**Author's Note**: I'm taking a short break from working on my novel-length soon-to-be-on Schnoogle Hopelessly Infectious to write this. I think Lifehouse purposely writes these songs for us H/D slashers to use. *evil grin* 

*~*

_Why would I chase your shadow all my life and be afraid of my own?_

Harry quietly slipped into the Slytherin 5th year boys' dormitory. He has ventured into this place too many times to count, each time the same. The familiarity was ironic, for who would guess that this seemingly run-of-the-mill hero type would ever associate with your standard antagonists? Hopefully no one. However, Harry knew better now more than before; he'd seen the looks his friends gave him whenever they caught him sneaking a peek at his boyfriend or if he slipped up and said something which contradicted what he was supposed to think, and that was before they fully knew. How long had he put up the façade of innocent, heroic Harry? He didn't know.

  
_I'd rather be with you _

What he _did_ know, however, was that he was having problems caring much. Just the other night, even, he had had this conversation with him.

"What would you do, Harry, if people knew?" he had asked him as they snuggled under his sheets.

"I don't know," Harry had answered truthfully. "I really don't." The question still rang clear in his head three days later. _What would you do…if people knew?_ It plagued him and gave him no moment's peace. Scenarios had run through his head. Would he leave him and feel empty inside, or stay and have the whole world turn against him? He had finally decided that there was only one way to find out.

_  
I'd rather not know where I'll be than be alone and convinced that I know_

Harry had been sitting on his bed wringing his hands with his eyes looking at the bed when she had finally spoken.

"Are you sure?" she asked for verification. Harry only nodded solemnly. His eyes slowly looked up to meet hers in a searching gaze. Her brown eyes just stared back intensely.

"And you say you love him?" Another nod. "Are you sure?" Another nod. A pause. "Draco?"

"Yes, Hermione," Harry said softly.

"I just want to make sure! Tell me this, Harry, would you be willing to give up everything for him and not know anything is for certain, or would you rather be without him and have everything? Is he really worth that?" 

Harry had to think for a moment. It was almost the same question he had been asked but a few days earlier, just worded differently. The decision finally came upon him when his eyes stopped on his right hand's ring finger. On it laid the symbol of their love: a ring that bore a snake encircling a red gem. He remembered the day it had been given to him. His boyfriend had kneeled upon the ground and taken Harry's hand in hiw. He had then kissed his finger and slipped the piece of jewelry on.

"I found this and thought of you, and of us," he had spoken to Harry. "I want you to wear it." Harry couldn't even think of refusing and had promptly picked his lover up off of the ground and kissed him.

The ring decided it. Harry looked up at Hermione with resolve in his eyes and nodded three times. To his dismay, he saw sadness in her eyes. She looked down and shook her head. When she looked back up, there were tears.

"I don't know what to say," she whispered. Harry looked on horrified as she fled the room. He had been so certain that Hermione of all people would be gentle and understanding. _  
  
When the world keeps spinning around, my world's upside down…_

More bad things awaited him, specifically in the form of a tall read-head who's name was "Ron." He had stormed into the dormitory a bit later, thankfully when it was just Harry in there, and immediately started yelling.

"I don't believe it!"

"Hermione told you," Harry whispered more to himself than to Ron. 

"I don't believe it!" he had repeated. Tears filled Harry's eyes as he realized that exactly what Hermione had said would happen was. "My best friend…gay?! And in love with _Malfoy_, even!" Harry met Ron's eyes and saw disgust in them. That was all it took for the tears to start falling.

"I don't know if I can look at you the same ever again," Ron spat. Harry gasped in shock. His friend started turning around, his hand already on the doorknob.

"Ron, wait!" Harry had pleaded. Ron stopped for a moment, and then walked out the door.

_… and I wouldn't change a thing…_

Tears streamed down his face as he jumped onto his bed and buried his head in his pillows. His whole body wracked with sobs as his world spun around him and he wasn't sure when it would stop. Hermione had left him, Ron had left him, and he was quite sure everyone else would follow suit. What would it be like when it was only he and Draco, two people against the world?

"At least we'll have each other," he mused. "And it is what I asked for, isn't it?" he thought bitterly.

_  
I've got nothing else to lose _

But then, with everything around him gone, there wasn't anything left to lose. It couldn't get any worse, only better. He realized that the thought of losing Draco was unbearable after everything else. Another realization came to him. Ever since that first night when Draco had confessed his love to him, nothing seemed right without his significant other. Everything was ugly and wrong without him, but with him it was pure and so utterly right. His left hand strayed to his right and stroked the ring. He slipped the object off of his finger and stared at it. A symbol of their love. 

"Our love…our _love._" Harry choked.

_  
I lost it all when I found you and I wouldn't change thing _

The thought of it being a symbol of their love shocked him. Did he love Draco? He did. He did! 

"I love him," he thought. "I do." 

An encouraging thought. It was a ray of light that shone in the darkness that was now his life. If he loved him, surely they could get through it…together. Even though all security was gone, he knew that he wouldn't have it any other way. He slipped the ring back on and nodded. He knew what he had to do._  
  
Everything I know has let me down _

He grabbed the invisibility cloak and tucked it under his arm, then went to the door.

"This is it," he thought. "This is how it's gonna be." 

A moment's hesitation. Everything he was sure of he now known wasn't true at all. He had been let down by everything. He could take it all back, claim it a joke. There was still time. But was that what he wanted? 

_  
So I will just let go _

No. It wasn't. He turned the doorknob and ran down the stairs into the Gryffindor Common Room. He had expected every head to turn to see him for he was sure that Ron had told everybody. It was not so, however. No one looked at him.

//_I'll have to do it the hard way, then_//

"Ron." He called. His voice was sharp and full of pain. His-was he an ex?-best friend turned around and looked at Harry. The whole room quieted down.

"I don't want to talk to you." 

_  
Let you turn me inside out_

"I don't care, because you're _going_ to listen." Harry called out, moving toward the other boy. Everyone got out of his way and soon he was just inches from the other boy.

"What?" Ron asked impatiently.

"I love him," Harry choked out his voice still raised. A murmer spread throughout the room, mostly due to the fact that Harry had used the pronoun "him." Harry just smirked. "That's it, I love him. I. _Love._ Him." 

Ron looked nervously around the room and then looked back at Harry. The green eyes sparkled with victory and release.

"And I'm going to see him now. And I don't care what you think about that." With that, he went for the door.

_  
'Cause I know I'm not sure about anything…_

"Harry," Ron called out. "Harry, if you leave now I'm not sure if we can be friends again." This stopped Harry, whose hand was already on the knob ready to open the door. After a moment, he turned around to meet eyes with his friend again.

"_I'm_ not sure about anything, Ron," he started quietly but loud enough for Ron to hear. "Except that I love him, and that he loves me, too." Harry now turned the knob and left while Ron stared at him aghast. 

_…but you wouldn't have it any other way_

Harry had immediately gone to the boys' lavatory. There he splashed cold water on his face washing away the tears. His eyes were still slightly puffy after three repetitions. He looked at himself in the mirror. You could still see the paths of the tears on his cheeks, signs of the sorrow he had faced in just the past three hours, but also of his victory.

//_I did it_// he thought with a smile. //_I did it._// Thinking it was not enough, however. He grinned and shouted at no one in particular.

"I did it!"

He didn't know how long he stood there shouting it over and over, sometimes dancing around the whole bathroom, but he did know that Draco would be proud. He remembered the first night he had gone over to Draco's to sleep in his bed.

"What if someone sees us?" he had wondered nervously.

"Then they see us," Draco had answered calmly as he continued to kiss Harry's hand.

"But what if they start thinking things?"

"They'll think exactly what's right."

"But what if they tell people?"

"Then people will know."

"What if people stop talking to us?"

"Then we still have each other."

"What if—" 

"I know that mouth can do more than just say 'what if!' But if all you're going to do is worry about if someone finds out about us then, well," he sighed and continued. "Then maybe we shouldn't see each other."

Harry knew now that what he had just done was more than enough to make up for his fears and doubts before. He knew in his heart that he had done the right thing. Having accomplished the hard part, he wrapped the invisibility cloak around himself and silently slipped out of the bathroom and started towards the Slytherin dormitory._  
  
When the world keeps spinning around, my world's upside down_

Harry drew  he curtains that hung around Draco's bed aside and slipped beyond them and onto the bed. Slipping the invisibility cloak off of himself, he wrapped his body around his boyfriend's and pressed his nose into the fine, pale hair, taking in the familiar scent. The body next to him stirred.

"You're late," it murmured. Harry just smiled. 

"I decided," he announced.

"Decided what?"

"What I would do if people found out."

"Oh." A pause. "What?"

"Tell them to sod off and kiss you right in front of them just to spite them. It wouldn't matter to me what they thought, because they would just think that's true, that we're in love and if they can't handle it, tough!"

Neither said or even breathed for a few moments. Unbeknownst to Harry, a few silent tears of relief streaked pale skin from eyes of silver. Then a sigh.

"And I love you," Harry added as an afterthought. He snuggled closer to the other boy and put his arms around him, bringing him closer.

"I love you, too."__

_…and I wouldn't change a thing  _


End file.
